The NBA is trying their best, guys, give them a break. Schedule releases are just a big deal in the NFL, where teams have to play their best players every week, save rest for last. So just because Roger Goodell and his friends appear every year as perverted Santa Clauses with presents doesn’t mean Adam Silver has to follow suit.
So, yes, Christmas Day slate matters (as much as you can when you’re sharing a bench with the NFL’s ever-expanding ass). Opening is also important until the leakers season licks the bottom of a sink full of moldy food.
And then there’s the confusion of how to make the content relevant while dishwasher lickin’ is happening. The league office is still mulling over the awards the players won’t care about at the end of the midseason tournament/rainbow, and there’s no resolution on the horizon. (Cut to Silver, in a room full of hipsters, yes men, shouting, “I need 50 more ideas by Monday! And, Greg, if you tip a billion dollars one time, I’ll send you to the NBA’s Uzbekistan. You can look for camels and halal!)
However, this season, the geniuses at Draper, Sterling, Cooper and Foghorn Leghorn created something called NBA Rivals Week. The ESPN article, which no one bothered to verify, is still stuck. The story tells:
The NBA has created “NBA Rivals Week” for the week of January 23, featuring 11 nationally televised games featuring various rivalries across the league, including the battles for New York and Los Angeles and the 2019 NBA Finals between the Lakers. And the Toronto Raptors.
NBA Finals ESPN’s aspirations for 1,600 aside, there are 14 nationally televised games that week, but you probably aren’t counting games on NBA TV. Although if this is the case, it is only nine games.
Regardless, I don’t have time for translation right now. There are beautiful rivalries to destroy. Here is the televised documentary: via NBA.com.
– Hawks at Bulls (NBA TV)
– Grizzlies at Kings (NBA TV)
– Celtics at Heat (TNT)
– Clippers at Lakers (TNT)
– Nets at 76ers (ESPN)
– Grizzlies at Warriors (ESPN)
– Bulls at Hornets (TNT)
– Mavericks at Suns (TNT)
– Grizzlies at Timberwolves (NBA TV)
– Raptors at Warriors (NBA TV)
– Nuggets at 76ers (ABC)
– Knicks on the Nets (ABC).
– Lakers at Celtics (ABC)
– Pelicans at Bucks (NBA TV)
Well, some of them—grizzlies and wolves meet in th—yeah, but how about the ball soup—of course, it’s just—I know—please, can I say something—oh my God! Lakers-Celtics is one of the best rivalries in all of sports! Stop nitpicking everything I say!
Okay, rapid-fire because it’s all very clear. The Knicks should play the Bulls, Heat, or Packers. Raptors-Warriors means the remaining three from that Toronto team. Most of these matches have a history of less than five years. The battles of New York and LA are already decided. Embiid vs. Jokic is not Russell vs Wilt. What are pelicans and kings doing here? And no one thought about the potential impact of load management on all of this?
The only thing that would make late January NBA basketball worthwhile — other than people like me who light up League Pass like a nightlight — is if all the upset stars entered a one-on-one competition and the winner was guaranteed to be traded before. All star break. no more. This is the only way.
Can you imagine Kevin Durant and Donovan Mitchell from Brooklyn and Salt Lake City respectively being entitled to hell? Hell, the NBA could even give out a “GM for a Day” award, so the player can save whatever ails them. LeBron James walks on the block for three straight weeks to outshine opponents Russell Westbrook.
Another option to create a rivalry is to do what baseball does and have division opponents play each other and hit fastballs on each other’s domes. We know what bad blood can do, but only white sports fight with impunity.
Teams play 82 games per division. The regular season runs from October 18th to April 9th. That’s about six months of games. Some will be so good, and some will be so bad, that NBA crews will pounce on them before even tipping. that’s nice. Not everything can be fixed or fixed.
Bottom line I understand that the gods need offerings. Just feed them some mixed bulls instead.